


Hear My Darkest Fear

by kinole009x



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Fear, Johnica Week 2020, Protective John Deacon, Scary Movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinole009x/pseuds/kinole009x
Summary: After taking Veronica to the movies to see The Exorcist, John must deal with the consequences.
Relationships: John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15
Collections: Johnica Week 2020





	Hear My Darkest Fear

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of Johnica Week!  
> Prompt: Movie Night

_**Winter 1974**_  
  
Ronnie let out an ear piercing shriek as she sat up in bed, before remembering she was not alone and clamping her hands over her mouth.  
  
"Ronnie?" John whispered.  
  
She jumped when she felt a hand on her back.  
  
"I'm fine," she said quickly, before throwing back the covers and hissing as her feet hit the cold wooden floor.  
  
John caught her hand.  
  
"Just a bad dream," she assured him, though she couldn't see him and that's because her eyes were closed. She was afraid of what she would see if she opened them and allowed the darkness to toy with her mind.  
  
John didn't let go.  
  
"I'll be right back," Ronnie whispered as she pried her fingers from his. "I promise. Please go back to sleep."  
  
Ronnie felt her way to the door and ran across the hallway until she was in the safety of her bathroom. Swiftly closing the door behind her, she locked it - though she wasn't sure why because she was certain locked doors didn't keep demons out - before turning on both the overhead light and the lights over the vanity, and plugging in the night light she rarely used.  
  
She then peeked behind the shower curtain, sighed in relief when there was nothing there, sat on the closed toilet seat, and dissolved into pitiful tears.  
  
 _I wish we never went to the movies tonight_ , she thought miserably to herself as her mind drifted back to six hours earlier.  
  
 _"What shall we see?"  
_  
 _Ronnie shivered in the cold January air as she held John's arm and studied the list of movies advertised outside the cinema.  
_  
 _"You pick," she finally said with a smile. "I chose the movie last time."  
_  
 _John considered the titles before him, before suggesting_ The Exorcist. _  
_  
 _Ronnie's smile disappeared. "The what?"  
_  
 _"I saw it already," John told her, "and I found it rather funny."  
_  
 _"You...you want to see it again?" Ronnie asked nervously.  
_  
 _"Yes," John confirmed. "I'd read so many horrific reviews and I was convinced it was going to be terrifying but it wasn't at all!"  
_  
 _"It...wasn't?"  
_  
 _"No," John said with a small laugh. "Everyone in the cinema was laughing at some of the scary bits."  
_  
 _As anxiety swirled in the pit of her stomach, Ronnie thought about how she really wasn't a fan of horror movies, and how she had her own personal reasons for not wanting to see a film involving an exorcism...  
_  
 _...yet, though she had been dating John for over two years, things still felt new and exciting and the last thing she wanted to do was disappoint him.  
_  
 _And like he said, it wasn't terrifying at all.  
_  
 _"All right," Ronnie said, trusting him completely, as he took her by the hand and led her inside the theater.  
_  
 _She had only done it for him.  
_  
As she buried her face in her shirt, Ronnie realized that John's perception of terrifying was a lot different than hers.  
  
Then came the knock on the door that she had been expecting.  
  
"Ronnie?" John's soft voice asked from the other side. "Ronnie, are you all right?"  
  
Ronnie wiped her face with her arm and flushed the toilet to make it seem like she was super busy. "Yes!"  
  
Silence, before John's doubt permeated her bathroom door. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," Ronnie said again, as she got to her feet and turned on the faucet of the bathroom sink. "Just need to brush my teeth."  
  
"All...all right," John said quietly.  
  
Sticking a toothbrush with a copious amount of toothpaste into her mouth, Ronnie leaned over the sink and rested her forearms on the cool porcelain, because she feared what she would see behind her if she looked into the mirror.  
  
And, once again left alone with her thoughts, Ronnie felt embarrassment burn her cheeks as she thought about how she had ran from the theater early that evening.  
  
 _Bursting through the doors of the movie theater, Ronnie felt the cold air hit her in the face, and though it felt refreshing, it didn't do a thing to calm her down.  
_  
 _Twisting her fingers into her hair, Ronnie breathlessly gazed at the quiet street as her heart beat wildly, practically out of control. There was a viscous knot in her stomach, an unsettling knot of distress, fear, and utter mortification.  
_  
 _She'd never be able to face John after this.  
_  
 _A tear ran down Ronnie's face as she leaned against the brick facade of the building and thought about how she had barely lasted thirty minutes into the film, before she pulled her hand from John's and ran up the aisle. Without so much as a word.  
_  
 _Right on cue, she felt a presence behind her.  
_  
 _She didn't turn around, foolishly thinking perhaps he would go away, but she should have known better. John would never leave her.  
_  
 _"Ronnie?"  
_  
 _"John, I don't feel well," Ronnie said, careful to keep emotion out of her voice.  
_  
 _"I'll take you home," John offered, standing so closely behind her that Ronnie could feel his breath stir her hair.  
_  
 _Ronnie thanked him as she turned around b_ _ut she had forgotten to wipe her single tear away and as it continued it's journey down her cheek, John reached out and touched it while his eyes questioned her.  
_  
 _Averting her own eyes, Ronnie took him by the arm and pulled him away from the theater.  
  
_ Ronnie was pulled from her contemplation by a soft touch on her right forearm. Straightening up, her eyes snapped open as she looked into the mirror.  
  
In the reflection of the glass, Ronnie saw that John was standing behind her, his fingers gently inching up her arm until his hand was covering her hand, the very hand that was still clutching her toothbrush in a white-knuckled death grip.  
  
Apparently locked doors didn't keep demons _or_ John Deacon out.  
  
With the gentlest of motions, John forced her to take the toothbrush out of her mouth.  
  
"How did you unlock the door?" Ronnie asked curiously.  
  
"Do you often brush your teeth at three in the morning?" John countered softly as he stared into the mirror, holding her gaze with his.  
  
Ronnie's eyes widened. She made sure to spit out her toothpaste, before exclaiming, "It's three in the morning?"  
  
John's brow furrowed as a worried expression settled on his face. "Yes."  
  
"John, it's the witching hour!" She tried to back away from the mirror, but only succeeded in pressing herself against the front of John's entire body.  
  
Using his body weight, John gently held her in place against the sink, while placing his hands on her shoulders. "Why does that frighten you?"  
  
"Because," Ronnie said in a low, anxious voice. "Because that's when..."  
  
John continued to watch her in the mirror as he waited patiently for her explanation.  
  
"...when demons are most powerful," Ronnie finished. "It's the devil's hour."  
  
John stared at Ronnie one moment longer, before he closed his eyes and leaned his cheek against her head. "Oh Ronnie," he whispered. "This is about the movie."  
  
Ronnie dropped her head as her cheeks turned red.  
  
"If I had known it would scare you - " John began to say, before Ronnie forced herself away from the sink and away from him.  
  
"Ridiculous!" she forced herself to laugh as she went out into the hall and turned on the light. "I'm not afraid of some silly movie like a..."  
  
She continued to walk through the flat, flipping on every light switch in her home.  
  
John leaned against the nearest wall, crossed his arms, and raised his eyebrows at her.  
  
"...like a child," Ronnie finished in an unconvincing whisper and closing her eyes, she remembered how, hours before, she thought she would have nothing to fear if John stayed the night.  
  
 _"Ronnie..."  
_  
 _As they arrived at her flat, Ronnie aimed her key at the lock in the front door and missed.  
_  
 _"Ronnie, please," John repeated.  
_  
 _Ronnie tried a second time, and a third, but her shaking fingers would not allow her to successfully unlock her own door.  
_  
 _John took the key from her, forcing her to look up at him.  
_  
 _"T-tell me what's wrong," John said nervously.  
_  
 _Ronnie opened her mouth, before firmly closing it.  
_  
 _"You were so quiet in the car..." John said uncertainly.  
_  
 _"John, no one laughed," she whispered.  
_  
 _"It must have been a different sort of audience," John said quietly and Ronnie knew he sensed that something was severely off.  
_  
 _Ronnie felt her chin crumple under the weight of her fear. "I just feel...sick."  
_  
 _Finally taking pity on her, John inserted the key into the lock and opened the door on his first try.  
_  
 _When Ronnie pushed the door open, the darkness inside was so heavy that she couldn't imagine stepping into it by herself.  
_  
 _She turned to John with eyes that were brimming with tears.  
_  
 _"Will you stay with me tonight?"_  
  
"Ronnie? Ronnie!"  
  
Ronnie shook her head, clearing her mind and returning to the present to find John cupping her face with his long fingers.  
  
"You should really get some sleep," Ronnie said, as she pushed him gently towards the bedroom. "I'll join you soon after I..."  
  
Ronnie paused, trying to think of a reasonable explanation for sending him to bed alone.  
  
 _Might as well tell him the truth,_ Ronnie thought to herself. _The partial truth, at least._  
  
"...drink coffee and watch television until the sun comes up," she finished as she wandered into the living room.  
  
"All right," John agreed. "Regular or decaf?"  
  
"John..."  
  
"Here, let me turn this on for you," John said helpfully as he approached the television and made a show of fiddling with buttons for approximately twenty seconds, before turning back to her with a frown.  
  
"What?" Ronnie asked anxiously as she perched herself on the edge of the sofa.  
  
"It looks like your television isn't working," John said regretfully.  
  
"But it was working earlier..."  
  
"Funny things, televisions," John said nonchalantly. "Well, nothing to do now but..."  
  
Ronnie knew it was coming before it even came.  
  
"...talk," John finished, with a meaningful look.  
  
"What about?" Ronnie asked politely.  
  
"Oh, I don't know," John said thoughtfully, as he took one step, and then another towards her. "About why your flat is lit up brighter than Queen's lighting rig? About why you felt the need to brush your teeth at three in the morning..."  
  
Ronnie squirmed uncomfortably.  
  
"About why you were so quiet on the way home," John continued as he came closer. "About why you asked me to stay the night."  
  
Ronnie kept a wary eye on him as he knelt in front of her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"About why you woke up screaming," he said, his face softening.  
  
Ronnie looked away.  
  
"It was the movie, wasn't it?" John said quietly.  
  
"Not necessarily."  
  
"All right, then. Since you weren't feeling well and didn't get a chance to see the rest, let's go tomorrow. Midnight showing."  
  
Before she could stop herself, Ronnie grasped John's shirt and exclaimed, _"NO!!"  
_  
"You don't have to be afraid. Ronnie, it's not...it's not real."  
  
"It's based on actual events," Ronnie reminded him. "And besides, I..."  
  
John nodded slowly, encouraging her to go on.  
  
Ronnie sighed  
.  
"Yes?" John's voice was softer than usual.  
  
Ronnie reached over and turned on the lamp on the end table, even though the living room was already brightly lit. Then, she bowed her head. "I was six or seven."  
  
John, patient as ever, waited for her to continue.  
  
"I accompanied my father and another church parishioner to an old woman's house. I sat on the back steps while they went inside and I don't know what happened, but...John, her _screams_..."  
  
Ronnie wrapped her arms around herself, avoiding John's eyes.   
  
"As I followed them home, I heard them discussing _demons_ , and _possession_ , and repeating over and over, _God have mercy on her soul_..."  
  
She looked at John then, and his eyes were so kind, and his face was so open, and he was listening so attentively, that she felt guilty for not telling him this to begin with.  
  
"And then, I had this terrible nightmare tonight where..." Ronnie closed her eyes but it was almost like the dream was imprinted on the insides of her lids. "...where _you_ were possessed, _you_ were screaming, and there was nothing I could do to help you and I..."  
  
John placed his hands on her upper arms and gave them a gentle squeeze.  
  
"And I know it's just cinema," Ronnie said, as her terror gradually gave way to embarrassment. "But I couldn't bring myself to stay there and finish the movie. I just...couldn't do it."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with that," John said gently.  
  
"But I didn't want you to think I was...uncool," Ronnie felt herself blushing furiously.  
  
"Ronnie, I'm not even cool."  
  
Ronnie laughed softly at that, but that same laugh quickly turned into a sob.  
  
"I would never judge you for wanting to leave a movie that made you uncomfortable," John said, as he rose higher onto his knees and gently parted Ronnie's legs so that he was better able to pull her close.  
  
"I was still mortified," Ronnie admitted.  
  
"I'm so sorry," John whispered in her ear. "Ronnie, please forgive me. I shouldn't have even suggested it. I should have realized it would be terrifying to some people."  
  
Ronnie rested her head against his shoulder. "No," she said. "It's all right, truly."  
  
"I'm going to make it up to you," John said, determined.   
  
Ronnie lazily closed her eyes, calmed considerably by John's close proximity. "Oh? How?"  
  
"By helping you face your fear," John said bravely. "We're going to beat it here, tonight."  
  
Ronnie extracted herself from John's arms and jumped to her feet. "No! No way."  
  
"How will you ever be able to stay here by yourself at night?" John challenged her.  
  
"You could stay every night," Ronnie suggested.  
  
"But what will you do when Queen is away on tour?"  
  
"Go to my parents' house."  
  
"Ronnie!"  
  
Ronnie folded her arms. "How exactly do you intend to cure me of fear?"  
  
"First, I'm going to have you turn off every single light in your flat," John said.  
  
Ronnie narrowed her eyes. "You're joking."  
  
"I'm not," John's face was perfectly serious. "Every single one."  
  
Ronnie obeyed but she made sure it was done slowly, hesitantly, painstakingly, stubbornly. Icy cold fingers of fear squeezed her heart for every switch she flicked off.  
  
Next, John ushered her back into the bedroom, turned on the light, and closed the door behind them.  
  
"I'm going to try something Freddie taught me," he said, as he took her hands in his. "He used to do this to help me get comfortable with going on stage in the early days. I'm going to say a phrase, and each time, you're going to take a deep breath and repeat the phrase, beginning with the words 'I can'."  
  
"All right," Ronnie said, though she didn't sound convinced.  
  
John's eyes rested on her face as he took in wild hair that was enhancing her frightened eyes, and the damp tears that still clung to her lower lashes, and the way she was biting her lower lip uncertainly. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to sweep her into his arms and simply make her forget, but that would only be a temporary solution.  
  
He had to give her something more. He had to be practical.  
  
"Hear my voice," John said as he rubbed soothing circles into her palms with his thumbs.  
  
Ronnie took a deep breath. "I can hear your voice."  
  
John's eyes searched hers. "See my face."  
  
 _Inhale, exhale._ "I can see your face."  
  
John gently squeezed her fingers, before he let go and ran his hands up her arms. "Feel my touch."  
  
Another deep, cleansing breath. "I can feel your touch."  
  
John stepped closer, closing any distance between them. "Sniff the air."  
  
 _In and out, Ronnie._ "I can smell the air."  
  
John leaned in, his lips inches from hers. "Taste..." And unable to finish his sentence, he allowed practicality to fly out the window as he kissed her gently.  
  
Ronnie forgot to breathe.  
  
John pulled back slowly as Ronnie tilted her head. "Freddie kissed you?"  
  
John laughed at that and Ronnie's heart swelled at the sound.  
  
"No," he said. "He crammed a handful of peanuts into my mouth."  
  
Ronnie found herself smiling and realized that for almost a whole minute, her terrible, disturbing fear had vanished.  
  
"I feel better," she said, a tad surprised.  
  
John nodded. "Freddie said it's a...an exercise to ground you. To remind you to live in the present moment." And he reached for the light switch.  
  
Ronnie caught his hand as her eyes pleaded with him.  
  
"Your fear is not real," John reminded her. "The only thing that is real is _us._ Together. Here. Now."   
  
Ronnie let her hand fall away, allowing John to do what he would, and the room went dark.  
  
"Stay here," John whispered, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead.   
  
Ronnie nervously stood in the dark by herself and listened to the soft creak of the bed as John leaned against it.  
  
"All right," he said softly. "Come to me, Ronnie."  
  
Ronnie closed her eyes.  
  
"And keep your eyes open."  
  
Sighing, Ronnie opened them and slowly began to inch her away towards the bed. She focused only on John, and how she felt when she was with him, while resolutely banishing fear from her mind, and therefore her heart, and refusing to see things in the dark that weren't even there.  
  
When she found John's outstretched hands, she grasped them tightly.  
  
"See?" John said proudly as he gathered her in his arms and lifted her onto the bed. "I won't ever let anything hurt you."  
  
Had John - and in a way, Freddie - just given her the tools to conquer things that went bump in the night? Ronnie realized in amazement that they had.  
  
"Thank you," Ronnie whispered, resting her arms comfortably around his neck.  
  
"And besides, the only one allowed to possess you is me," John added.  
  
Ronnie threw back her head and laughed. "You're something, you know that, John Deacon?"  
  
"Better than being nothing," John mumbled, but he sounded pleased as he carefully laid her down on the rumpled sheets.  
  
And, securely covered with the blankets, with no limbs sticking out (lest the nonexistent monster under the bed should decide to grab her), Ronnie tucked herself into John's armpit and felt at peace.  
  
But right as she was about to fall sleep, she lifted her head off John's shoulder and asked suspiciously, "The tele was never broken, was it?"  
  
John's chest shook gently as he let out the smallest of laughs. "No."  
  
Ronnie smiled, settled back into his embrace, and allowed herself to fall into a dreamless sleep, as John's arms remained a protective barricade against nightmares, invisible demons, and her own self doubts.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how I feel about this one. It was supposed to be super cute and fluffy yet...here we are.
> 
> I got the idea for this after seeing an interview with John Deacon in 1974 where he said his current favorite film was The Exorcist - it was fun incorporating some of his quotes into the fic!
> 
> I also wanted to put a disclaimer that I've never actually seen The Exorcist...but then a long lost memory (which I'm sure I blocked out because I was so traumatized) resurfaced of watching the beginning of it at midnight at a sixth grade slumber party...because honestly what were we thinking...


End file.
